Monday, November 5, 2012

The Unkissable Cobra Draft One!

Hey guys. The book dummy get-together was awesome. I feel so inspired by the work I saw there, and the feedback was phenomenal. I have a TON of changes to make to this story now. The main ones are that I'm whittling the words down by around half, and the interactions of the cobra with the other animals is going to change a lot. I'll also be completely changing most of the layouts and spreads for the sake of flow and rhythm. There will be a little more comedy put in.

 It's going to be fun doing this again!

Here's the first draft of my very first children's book EVER!

1 comment:

  1. Hi there Laura, I really enjoyed this! As you stated at first I do agree with the critique you got about whittling down the words and whatnot - that would have been a critique I gave as well even if it is fairly minor. The other thing I would like to say is that I think the ending needs something more, it's hard to put my finger on exactly what it would be that it would need but I feel that the ending is almost a bit rushed if that makes sense? Like, it goes from him wandering and being confused to suddenly finding out what the kiss was without really giving an explanation to the reader. I think that for me at least while reading the thoughts that I had were along the lines of wondering with him and empathizing about what a kiss means/feels like though in the end you instead took it into the route of him wanting a kiss. I guess a simplified version of what I just said would be that through the story it focused more on him wondering what a kiss was than on him actually wanting a kiss so when he found out what it was through him getting one I almost wish that he offered an explanation much as the other animals did as well.

    Sorry for rambling and stuff haha, I think though that your drawings and spreads are really lovely and I think they flow really nicely together! I can't wait to see this all colored and stuff if you decide to take it that far! :)